So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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