so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
