It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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