Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??