I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.