I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me