Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30