K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.