I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.