Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
your like the ambassador to my penis.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
