i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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