How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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