I just made out with a guy for $7.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
