isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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