Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
