Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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