Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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