Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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