i jhust puked up my retainher.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
