my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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