I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize