Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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