I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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