After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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