He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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