I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
