I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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