I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
