Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize