1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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