Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
