I will die if light touches me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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