So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
