she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus