so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run