"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...