He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.