duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her