He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.