how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.