I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.