i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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