I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
