one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
