my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
