my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
