I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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