Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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