So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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