I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
