I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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