More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize