so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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