i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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