I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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