I think I died a long time ago.
he thought i was a dude.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
