Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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