Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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