On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
