and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
