After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
